9 Leadership Lessons from Women Who Lead
This article was originally published on LinkedIn on November 12, 2019
To live an unmuted life is to be bold and courageous. Sometimes it means questioning the status quo and advocating for yourself and what you need to succeed at work and at home.
Everyone needs role models to look up to and learn from. We need people who can show us what's possible, people who are willing to take risks and challenge the way we’ve always done things.
I had the opportunity to learn from a panel of women who lead boldly at the 2019 AICPA Women's Global Leadership Summit in San Diego. It marked the second time I had the opportunity to attend and speak at the summit. I was feeling a bit under the weather, so, unfortunately, I wasn't able to attend all of the sessions. Something nudged me to check out the Woman and Firms Who Lead panel on after my session on workplace culture.
I'm so glad I went. I wanted to take a moment to share with you the key insights I gathered from the stories and experiences that were shared. I've written previously about lessons learned from a women-powered panel at the MACPA's annual Women to Watch event. That post was so well received that I wanted to write this one!
The Women Who Lead panelists included Melissa Hooley from Anton Collins Mitchell, Dawn Brolin from Powerful Accounting, and Patti Newcomer from Intuit. Stephanie Friswell from Intuit facilitated the panel.
Here are my top 9 Women Who Lead Lessons from the panel:
1. Seek and be willing to receive feedback.
Giving other people permission to highlight our strengths and expose our underdeveloped areas one of the hardest and most humbling things we'll ever do. It's difficult to hear feedback from others about what we could improve - to truly listen without getting defensive. But without feedback, how will we build our confidence and competence? The goal of our feedback should not be to criticize someone but to position them for greater success.
Consider going through a process like a 360 review and asking for input from all levels of your team and organization. How we are perceived by others is their reality, so our impact matters more than our intent. We may intend to come across as passionate and assertive, but our impact may be that we shut down people who disagree with us and that we come across as bullish. The goal isn't to be someone you're not, but it's to create an environment where everyone can do their best work.
If the feedback you receive calls out mistakes you've made, be willing to acknowledge them but don't dwell on them. See them as learning and growth opportunities. If your team and coworkers see you're willing to work on what isn't working, you'll build trust with them, especially as you sustain those changes. To take action on this idea, here are some sample 360 feedback survey questions you could consider using.
2. Assume good intent.
Assume everyone is trying to do and be their best with the resources and support available to them. So often, when we are frustrated, confused, or irritated by another person, we assume they are out to get us or to tick us off. What if we chose to make a different assumption, one that gave that person the benefit of the doubt?
In those moments of frustration, consider asking yourself:
"What could be the most positive explanation behind this person's behavior?"
Make up a good story about why they are acting that way, and then get curious. Consider saying something like, "Jen, I notice you've been missing deadlines at work and that's unlike you. I know you're a hard worker and take pride in what you do. Can you help me understand what's happening and let me know if there's any way I can support you?"
When we assume good intent and get curious instead of assuming a negative reason for someone's behavior, we're more likely to preserve the relationship. That brings us to lesson #3.
3. Everyone carries an invisible backpack.
Assume other people are carrying struggles, challenges, fears, traumas, and other weights that you are not aware of and cannot see. Dawn shared the story of a young woman on the softball team she coaches who was a middle schooler at Sandy Hook during the time of the school shooting. This student struggles to get out of bed each day, and when she's in a classroom, she's anticipating someone will barge into the room and start shooting.
Can you imagine how heavy that must feel for her?
You wouldn't know that by looking at her, but her past haunts her years later and affects how she shows up in the world. People that you work with and serve have been through traumatic situations that you don't even realize they've been through, and most of the time, you won't be able to see it. Be someone who offers grace, compassion and forgiveness.
Also, be willing to speak up when you're having a hard time. You don't have to carry your backpack alone. Be real, authentic and vulnerable. When we have the courage to remove our masks and to be honest about our insecurities, inadequacies and struggles, we give other people permission to do the same.
4. Be kind to people and affirm the goodness in them.
All of us have something inside of ourselves that is good and meaningful. Many of us are so distracted by the comparison trap and imposter syndrome that we miss out on our own goodness.
We would all be well served to apply the "When you see something, say something" advice to more areas of our lives. When you see something good in someone that they don't see in themselves, affirm what you see. Let them know the strengths, talents, gifts, and goodness you see in them. Each of us needs to feel valued and to know other people believe in us. Be intentional about looking for the good in people and become known as someone who elevates others with kind words and deeds.
To add to that, praise and thank people when what they are doing is helpful. For instance, if you are looking to grow in leadership at your organization and someone does something to support you or give you helpful advice, let them know.
Behaviors that are praised and affirmed tend to be repeated.
5. The company will take 24/7, so you have to decide what you want to give.
In today's workforce, it's possible to be working all the time, to never shut down, to neglect sleep, and to ignore our need for rest and recovery. Burnout is on the rise and more and more people are feeling like there is no "off" button when it comes to working. I get it. I've been there. I've burned out before and am still susceptible to it because of my inner drive and desire to achieve and accomplish as much as possible as quickly as possible.
Melissa shared how she used to work on vacation but doesn't now. The company would have taken her vacation hours if she was willing to let them, but she made the choice to prioritize rest and disconnection. Doing so gave her the opportunity to show her team she trusted them to step in while she was off the grid.
We have to decide what time and energy we are willing our jobs because if we don't set boundaries, our companies will take as much as we're willing to give, which can negatively impact other areas of our lives.
6. Speak up for yourself.
Both men and women are more likely to interrupt women than they are to interrupt men. Oftentimes, people may not realize they are interrupting, but each of us can think of a time when we were interrupted by someone and how frustrating that was.
I loved what Patti shared about rebounding from an interruption:
We might be inclined to ask, "Can I finish?" in the form of a question when we're interrupted. Instead, consider something like, "I'm not finished, and I'm going to finish," or "Let me finish," which reflect a more presumptive close. The latter response assumes you have the right to finish sharing your thought or idea rather than needing to ask permission to do so.
If you are getting pushback on an idea you believe in, try approaching your boss with curiosity: "I don't feel like I'm getting any backing on this idea I've been putting out there. Can you let me know why this isn't a good idea? Do you have any thoughts on what would make it better?"
Be curious and be for yourself and your ideas. Your voice deserves to be heard.
7. Elevate other women and advocate for each other.
You might feel like you are in a competition to be seen or heard if you're a female leader in a male-dominated industry. You might feel like there is not enough to go around, but if you are someone who elevates others, that will reflect well on you, too. There is room for all of us. We have to start by lifting up each other instead of competing against one another. Seek out both male and female coaches and mentors.
Madeline Albright, the first female U.S. Secretary of State, once said:
"There's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."
One of the most effective things each of us can do to promote more women in leadership is to be an advocate and a supporter. If you're in a meeting where you know you'll be in the minority, buddy up with at least one other woman before the meeting and strategize how to advocate for each other. If a woman (we'll call her "Jan") brings up an idea that gets dismissed and then a man later pitches the same idea, speak up and say something like, "Oh, I'm so glad you agree with Jan's perspective."
This isn't just about women supporting other women; it's also about men supporting women. All of the panelists spoke highly of male leaders who have influenced them along their journey. I feel the same way. I've had many men advocate for me throughout my career, starting with my dad. Men can advocate for women in meetings, too. In one meeting, a woman was interrupted repeatedly, so at one point, one of the male team members who was fed up, spoke up: "This woman has tried to get a word in like seven times. Paula, what's the point you'd like to make?"
All of us can be advocates for other women.
8. Diverse teams get better results.
Research published in Harvard Business Review shows us that cognitive diversity and psychological safety are the two most important traits for high-performing, innovative, and generative teams. From a business perspective, our clients are diverse, so we need to be diverse (in every sense of the word) as well to service those clients in a better way.
A recent PwC survey revealed that 61% of women look at the gender diversity of the employer’s leadership team when deciding where to work. If you want to attract more women to your organization, start by making sure your leadership prioritizes diversity or that you are at least moving in that direction.
9. Learn from your younger self.
One of the last questions the panelists explored was, "What advice would you give to your younger self?" I loved their responses:
If you're deciding on a career path, pick the one you want, not the one your parents want. Remember, you're going to be living your life, not your parents' life.
Don't worry about everything. So many of us overanalyze and think of every way things could go wrong. Hardly any of those things ever happen. Shift your thinking instead to, "How can all of these things go right, not wrong?"
Take more risks. See the world. Take an international assignment if you can. Your 20s and 30s are the ideal time to take risks.
Having said that...
If you're feeling stale, STOP DOING IT. You don't have to do something you don't want to do. You're too qualified to do something that makes you miserable.
It's never too late to reinvent yourself! :o)
Next Steps
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If you missed another recent article about how to know when you're on the brink of burnout, you can check that out here.
If you'd like to learn more about dynamic keynotes or workshops I lead about women's leadership, you can learn more here. (I'd love to chat with you). I've reached thousands of leaders across a range of industries and would love to connect about how to positively impact your community.
