Reflect & Reset: Leaving Behind and Looking Ahead
As a new year begins, many of us are reflecting on what happened in 2018 and anticipating what 2019 will bring. While I've never been one for New Year's Resolutions because I know I can choose to change my life at any point during the year, I do like to use this time to reflect and redirect my focus and intentions.
I've had three different experiences and conversations over the past three days that prompted me to share what I'm feeling as I step into 2019. My hope is that what I share will inspire you to reflect and reset, so you can begin 2019 thoughtfully and intentionally.
Expressing Gratitude
Several years ago, my husband and I started a tradition that helps us reset. During the year, we jot down special moments from the year on small pieces of paper and put them in a glass jar. On New Year's Day, we take all of the paper out of the jar, go to brunch, and jot down all of the memories in a journal. It's fun to relive those experiences as we think back to all the trips, celebrations, births, weddings, dates, and funny moments that happened during the year.
To be honest, this year was particularly busy, so we forgot to write down a lot of the memories and just looked back at the experiences written on our wall calendar and pictures in our phones. It's not an exact science, but we prioritize setting aside the time to look back, smile, laugh and celebrate. We now have seven year's worth of memories in a journal, and it's become one of my greatest treasures, a history of our life together.
Reflecting on what went well and what we're grateful for from the previous year is energizing and makes us feel connected. It's something we don't do enough, yet it's one of the quickest paths to happiness and fulfillment.
If you haven't already taken a look back to think about all the good that came with 2018, even if it was a challenging year for you, I'd recommend giving it a try. If you tend to be anxious and fretful, this can be a particularly helpful exercise because gratitude is the antidote to fear and anxiety.
It's unlikely that more good will come to us if we're not already grateful for the gifts we have received. Not only that, but many of us can't receive what is meant for us in the future because we are holding on to beliefs, feelings, and thoughts that no longer serve us. We need to let go of what is no longer meant for us to embrace and receive what is.
Leaving Behind
When I reflect on what I want to leave behind in 2018, two words come to mind:
Scarcity and smallness.
For much of my life, I've struggled with a scarcity mindset, the idea that there is only so much to go around and that I have to hold on to what I've got because more might not be coming. Once the pie is gone, no more pies can be made, and I've missed my shot. I'd had close friends call me out on this, which was a painful and humbling experience. One friend questioned why I could be coming from a place of scarcity, considering how much abundance and love I have in my life.
It was a fair question. She was right in challenging me.
When I am operating out of a place of scarcity, I get "grabby", trying to hold onto and control anything I can. I suddenly stop focusing on my goals and gratitudes and shift my attention to what other people are doing. I often get jealous in those moments and ultimately feel badly about myself. It's an exhausting way to live and not something I want to continue carrying with me.
I remember something my dad asked me a few years ago when I was expressing a similar frustration to him. It still resonates with me today:
"Honey, do you want all the business?" he asked.
I scoffed at his question, "Dad, that's ridiculous. Of course I don't want all the business. I couldn't handle it all."
"Rachel, no one can. There can be four gas stations on one corner and they can all do well. There's more than enough for everyone."
He's right. (My dad is always right.)
My intention is to believe that 2019 will be a year of abundance and to let go of the idea that another person's victory means a loss for me. We can all rise together, and there is enough for everyone.
I'm also leaving behind smallness; 2018 can keep it.
I've allowed it to cripple me for too long. I've wanted to speak more, write a book, expand my reach and influence, and live boldly, yet I've kept myself small and held myself back more than anyone else. I've doubted myself and focused too much on the gap between my capabilities and my confidence instead of just doing the work and putting myself out there unapologetically.
I have a BIG vision for my life. I know I have been created for such a time as this and that I'm destined for greatness.
In the entryway to my house hangs a sign with these words on it that my husband gave me to remind me of what is true of my life:
I see it every day, yet so often, I lose sight of those words and the power and encouragement they carry. I believe I've been set apart to have a significant impact, to leave an indelible mark, to reach millions of people through writing and speaking and storytelling. I've had powerful words spoken over my life about wealth and motherhood, about the gifts of healing and words of wisdom from mentors, friends, and spiritual leaders.
Yet, as I type these words, the scared little girl inside me judges them: "Rachel, you're being awfully cocky and presumptuous. Who do you think you are to say those things...out loud? No one likes a bragger!"
Letting go and leaving behind what is familiar can be so difficult.
Familiar feels safe, but we don't get to greatness by playing it safe.
I know I have to believe the truth about my future, whether or not anyone else does. I have to believe in myself and act accordingly, to surround myself with people who will lift me up, hold me accountable and encourage me when I'm making excuses or playing small.
I am meant for more.
And so are you.
Looking Ahead
For the past few years, I've identified what Danielle LaPorte calls "Core Desired Feelings" that reflect my intention for the new year. Instead of thinking about all the things I want to DO in the new year, I connect with words that reflect how I want to FEEL. Over the past few years, some of my words have included: RADIANT, WORTHY, CLEAR, ABUNDANT, PLAYFUL, OPEN, FREE, and DEEPLY CONNECTED.
I began to become more aware of what I could do to make myself feel the way I wanted to feel by asking myself a simple question: "What makes me feel / when do I feel radiant? Abundant? Free? Playful? Connected?" I would then intentionally make time to do those things, knowing the feelings they would generate. I was reverse engineering the process by starting with the feeling instead of the "to do".
When we boldly declare what we want more of instead of complaining about what we don't like or what's not working, we begin to bring what we want into being. I still connect with many of those words today and have experienced growth in those areas over the years as a result of focusing on them.
Words have power.
As I look ahead to 2019 and imagine what could be, one word and one image keep coming to mind.
My word: Birth
I anticipate 2019 will be a year of birth, creation, emergence, and rising up. Birth is the beginning or coming into existence of something, and I believe many good things will be birthed this year.
When I think of new things being born and brought into the world, these words and this promise comes to mind: "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not see it?"
The birth of a growing career, as I step into the role of Director of Wellbeing for Alera Group, a national benefits consulting firm with nearly 1,500 employees. The company I've been with for my entire career, SIG, is the Baltimore office of Alera Group, and after 12 years of being a regional Director, my role is expanding to influence beyond Baltimore.
The birth of new friendships, relationships and partnerships, letting go of scarcity and the idea that I am alone and have to do it all by myself.
The birth of becoming a professional speaker, as I hone my craft and strengthen my messaging.
The birth of stories, ideas and insights in articles, blog posts and books.
The birth of hope.
Whatever form it takes, I'm welcoming this year as a year of birth, of new life, of creation.
My image: Peacocks
For the past few years, I've connected with the butterfly motif and its story of metamorphosis and transformation, but more recently, peacocks have become a more prominent symbol in my life.
When my husband and I were on our honeymoon in Jamaica, peacocks wandered around the grounds of the resort. They showed up again in Virginia on our one-year wedding anniversary trip to a bed-and-breakfast and in Charleston, South Carolina on our second anniversary.
Peacocks are bold and unapologetically beautiful. Their beauty doesn't seek out or demand attention, it attracts it and draws it in. I bought this card a few years ago and have it framed in my living room. I love the message and how it reflects the personality of peacocks:
That's how I intend to show up in 2019 - to be my wild, courageous and brilliant self every day.
But first, I have to let go of scarcity and smallness.
Reflect & Reset
I feel a stirring inside as I look toward the coming year. I feel like 2016 and 2017 were years of breaking down, 2018 was a year of strengthening and building up, and 2019 will be a year of birth and living boldly.
Take a moment to reflect on 2018 and reset your intentions for 2019 by responding to the questions below. Feel free to leave a comment or send me a message. I'd love to hear from you!
What people, experiences, accomplishments, and other moments are you grateful for from the past year? Write them down and take a moment to be thankful for what was.
What are you leaving behind in 2018? What is no longer serving you as you enter the new year?
What words, images or phrases are you bringing with you into 2019?
Here's to regularly expressing gratitude and calling to mind all the good in our lives, leaving behind what is holding us back, and opening ourselves up to receive all that is meant for us in 2019.
If you liked this article, I invite you to read past articles I've written below.
