We Don't Talk about Burnout, No, No, No!
"But she's the wellness person...why is she talking about burning out?"
The message to me from leadership was loud and clear, "We don't talk about this..."
I was the Director of Wellbeing at my company, and two years earlier, I had been named the #1 Health Promotion Professional in the U.S.
Yet here I was, burned out and bottomed out at 32 years old, not exactly the poster child for wellbeing. Leadership was questioning whether it was "okay" for me to talk about my journey with burnout publicly.
Wouldn't it send the wrong message? ... Shouldn't we maintain the image that being well means you have it all together and don't struggle with these things??...
That was never said directly but it was implied.
Many of us feel that way at work - that there are certain concerns or challenges we can talk about and others that are off limits. Burnout and mental health tend to fall into the "off limits" camp.
Not everyone is comfortable when we share our stories vulnerably, especially people who may not be willing to face their own inner challenges honestly.
But going through our challenges and obstacles and sharing our stories and lessons learned is part of the healing process and a way for us to build credibility and authority through lived experience.
What Is Burnout Anyway?
What started as panicked writing in my journal ("I don't know how much longer I can keep up this pace at work...something's gotta change!!") morphed into a dream that I was drowning and then, six months later, a diagnosis of Epstein-Barr Virus, an acute form of mono that - left unchecked - can lead to things like neurological damage and lymphomas.
Yikes.
For months, I was showing all of the symptoms of occupational burnout but had no idea that I was burned out.
Neither did my coworkers. Here are the three primary, clinical symptoms of burnout:
Feelings of energy depletion and exhaustion. There's nothing left. The tank is empty, and we have nothing more to give. Sleep doesn't leave us feeling rested. We have never.felt.so.tired.
Increased cynicism and negativity related to your job. Our compassion and empathy disappear. We are easily angered, highly irritable and anxious, and have a short fuse. We might even appear apathetic, like we don't care. It's like our soul is on mute, and we're just going through the motions.
Reduced effectiveness at work. We miss deadlines, drop the ball, and make mistakes. We're not usually someone who does these things, so we get even more frustrated and withdraw and isolate ourselves when we do.
Unfortunately, many of these symptoms have been normalized because they're so common, especially now.
But just because something is common doesn't mean it's normal.
In many corporate settings, when people show up at work with those behaviors, we tend to assume they have an attitude problem or "can't handle it" or don't have what it takes, and we get frustrated that they're dropping the ball.
None of that is helpful.
What people need when they show up that way at work is not judgment, shame or guilt but genuine curiosity and compassion.
The season of my life I spent recovering and recalibrating from burnout and restoring my mind, body and soul was one of the hardest and most uncomfortable seasons I've ever experienced.
But I was committed to figuring out how to get through it and overcome it, so that I could help other people who might be on that path catch themselves sooner than I did.
How I Define Burnout
Here's my very non-technical but lived definition of burnout:
"Burnout is a state of disconnection"
Disconnection from our body, our values, our feelings, our community, our strengths, our soul, and from what fills us up and brings us life.
When we're burned out, we normalize feeling depleted all the time, and joy feels like an elusive indulgence.
We tell ourselves seemingly harmless lies that drive us further and further from the people and experiences that actually bring us happiness and fulfillment. They're like traps that keep us stuck on the hamster wheel, excuses that are indications of deep denial:
"I'll be fine once this project is finished."
"I just need a vacation, and then I'll be okay."
"I really can’t afford to take a break right now."
"Everyone else is overwhelmed, too...I don't want to be another burden."
"You don’t understand – NO ONE ELSE can do this. People are depending on me."
Do those thoughts or phrases sound familiar?
Beneath all of those fears lies this truth and driver of burnout for many of us:
We are more concerned with disappointing OTHER people than we are with disappointing ourselves.
We're afraid we won't be "enough" to someone else or that we'll let them down or that we won't meet their expectations of us, so we live our lives for their approval instead of our own health and happiness.
We think we're not doing enough, making enough money, working hard enough, far enough along in our career, working out enough, getting enough opportunities, involved enough at our kids' schools, available enough, or present enough.
We feel like we're never enough.
So many of us feel that way, yet so few of us talk about it.
I'm here to talk about it.
We need to talk about it because it's affecting so many people and their loved ones and their colleagues and their lives.
I'm committed to unmuting myself and sharing my story and lessons learned in the hope that it will inspire other people to be honest with themselves and share their stories, too.
It takes courage to unmask and unmute ourselves, to share our struggles, and to ask for the help and support we need at work and at home.
I've learned (and continue to learn) to do it, and I'm going to share more of what I've learned with you in the next issue of this newsletter.
Reflect: Unmute Your Mind
For now, I will leave you with these reflection questions to contemplate or journal about:
👉 What becomes possible in your life and your work if you no longer feel depleted and defeated but feel energized and supported instead?
👉 Who is someone you thought of as you read this post and how might you reach out to them to check in with curiosity and compassion, asking something like, "How can I best support you right now?" or "What does support look like for you?"
How can I help?
Over the last 15+ years, I’ve devoted myself to helping organizations, leaders and teams become resilient, connected, compassionate, engaged and energized. I've done this through interactive keynotes, workshops, leadership trainings and retreats nearly 300 times virtually and also facilitate and speak in person.
If you're interested in learning more about my services for your organization or someone else on the topic above or other topics, start here and we can find time to connect.
If you found this helpful...please share it, and tag me if you do 😉
