3 Steps to Manage Your Mindset: Let Be, Let Go, Let In
Our brains hate change.
The brain tries to be as efficient as possible going through the day in predictable, familiar, automatic ways. In other words, the brain is kind of lazy! Any change - especially change that is sudden and unwanted - is perceived by the brain as a threat.
When our brain sees something in our environment as threatening, we tend to either flee, fight or freeze, paralyzed with fear. We don’t like change, so we end up trying to resist it in some way.
Have you been feeling that way lately?
Have you found yourself resisting or even being upset with the changes happening around you?
If you have, there’s nothing wrong with you and you’re having a normal human experience. You may be going through a cycle of grief, as change can often be coupled with a feeling of loss. What was and what is no longer match, and we need to take time to process that.
If you find yourself in a place of frustration, sadness or anger over changes happening in your life or amid adversity you are facing or working through right now, I hope today’s blog post speaks to you.
I first learned about this trio of phrases from best-selling author, Dr. Rick Hanson, who has written books like Hardwiring Happiness and Resilient, among others. My dad and I had the opportunity to meet and learn from Rick in person a few years ago in a course about positive neuroplasticity. We geeked out together!
I’m hopeful that what I learned from Rick and have applied to our post-pandemic world will be helpful to you as you continue to process this time of transition and any others that are in your future.
Ask yourself three questions:
What do I need to let be?
What do I need to let go of?
What do I need to let in?
As we learn to accept what is, let go of what no longer serves and let in the goodness around us, we become more resilient and are better equipped to respond to future challenges and adversity.
Let Be
For many of us, accepting what is is difficult. Much of our energy is spent resisting reality because we don’t agree with it, don’t like it, are upset with it or wish it weren’t true.
Acceptance doesn’t mean condoning a situation, but it frees up all of the energy we are spending resisting what is. I wrote about that here in a blog post about the five traits of resilient people. The final stage of the grieving process is acceptance and integration - taking our loss and making meaning from it.
As we think about “letting be” or accepting, I find that taking an honest look at the aspects of ourselves we are inclined to reject to be a helpful practice. Take a look at the list below and think of any you would add based on your experiences:
“I accept the part of me that…”
I accept the part of me that doesn’t finish my to do list
I accept the part of me that feels exhausted, tired or burned out
I accept the part of me that feels sad, angry, or frustrated
I accept the part of me that feels anxious about re-entry
I accept the part of me that feels guilty for not doing “more”
I accept the part of me that “vegges out” and watches too much Netflix
What “I accept the part of me that…” statements would you add to that list? Jot them down (or share in the comments!).
If we can learn to accept instead of resist what is, we free up massive amounts of emotional and even physical energy and can move on to the second step of letting go.
Let Go
If you’ve seen the Disney movie, Frozen, you know how important it is to “let it go.”
But letting go isn’t easy. Sometimes we have a death grip on “what was” and brace ourselves, unable to move forward, feeling stuck in the past or grieving unmet expectations or relationships.
The more we learn to let go of what no longer serves us, the more receptive and available we can be to whatever wants to make its way in our lives in the future.
To get at letting go, I invite you to reflect on these questions and act accordingly:
What ways of thinking, being or doing are no longer serving me or weighing me down?
What do I need to let go of to make room for something else (relationally, mentally, physically)?
What do I need to say NO to, so I can say YES to what matters most to me?
Let In
A few days after getting diagnosed with COVID-19 in the spring of 2020, I lost my sense of taste and smell. Because I love food and enjoy eating, I was bummed when that happened and concerned about if and when my ability to taste and smell would return.
One Tuesday night, my husband and I were making dinner and were roasted a tray of broccoli in the oven, tossed with olive oil, sea salt and pepper. I took the tray out of the oven and picked up a small floret to sample.
All of the sudden, I realized I could feel the crunchiness in my mouth and the subtly salty and bitter taste of the broccoli. “I can TASTE it!” I danced around the kitchen along with my taste buds and celebrated the taste of broccoli in a way I never have before. It was a moment of fully appreciating and “taking in the good.”
Over the course of a given day, each of us experiences moments of goodness, happiness and gratitude. Sometimes we notice them and appreciate them, but most of the time, we tend to miss those moments. We live our lives on autopilot and quickly moving on from it rather than fully absorbing it and "taking it in.”
As you move through letting be and letting go, you create space for “letting in” the goodness in your life, no matter how small those moments of goodness are.
Sit with your bright spots and happy moments just a few seconds longer to really take them in. Instead of being too busy to notice the goodness around you, be intentional about pausing, noticing and appreciating the moments that matter - whether big or small.
As you reflect on “letting in” the good, consider these questions and prompts:
What is a small pleasure that brings you great joy? Reflect on it and let me know your thoughts in the comments below!
Think about a moment in your life when you felt alive, connected and/or grateful. Close your eyes, put your hand on your heart and sit with that moment for a little longer than usual, doing your best to recreate the experience in your mind and body. In the future, when good things happen, try that practice to better absorb the experience in the moment.
We can retrain the brain to “take in the good” by making it a regular part of our day and any reflective process.
If you want to be a more resilient, hopeful, and present person, be mindful and intentional about letting be what is, letting go of what was or expectations of what will be, and letting in the goodness in the world around you.
